Monday, December 30, 2013

Resolutions start....NOW!

I know that the first isn't until Wednesday, day after tomorrow,'s soon enough..right?
In no certain order...
*READ-at LEAST 52 books
                    I love, Love, L.O.V.E., to read...but alot of the time I don't get to. I have kid stuff to do, I have tenant stuff to do, I have job stuff to do, I'm just too effin' tired, I'd rather watch something on the DVR..Heaven forbid I workout, ammIright? But At LEAST 52. I have 48 on my bookshelf behind me right now..but I know I've read at least 14 of them. But there are specifics to the I need to get The Book of Mormon in there at least once. I need to put some classics in there Charles Dickens. I don't want to limit myself to what I usually read..I want to read alot of different things. Really? I'd love to double the goal and hit 104 in 2014..what?! We'll see.                

                                                *Keep it CLEAN
           We just built our 'new' house last fact today marks ONE year that we've been here. And where I've done a pretty good job of cleaning it acceptable, I'd like it to feel clean. Despite the fact that we have 5 cats (yes, we are insane) I don't want people to 'know' (by nose) that we have them. I want to try to teach my kids to help me clean too. I don't want my house to be one of those antiseptic "don't touch anything" houses, because I long to be the house that EVERYONE feels comfortable in...but I also hate telling people they need to carry a lint roller to sit on my furniture b/c of the dog hair. Eesh..costs of pets I guess.

                                          *WORK out...
        Holy crap, this one scares me so bad. I have this DVD. I have this DVD and about 12 (not kidding) others-Walk away the Pounds, all sorts of 10 minute trainer ones, etc. And I don't do them. I 'said' I would start doing them when I got into the 170s and didn't. I got into the 170s and ate my way back up into the 180s. I don't like working out 'in front' of people..even my own husband and kids, and I need to get over that. Because I'd probably get back to the 170s and lower IF I worked out (and ate right), dontcha think? Also Holly is doing a Jillian Challenge..I'm scared to pieces to join..but I kinda want to.

                                       *LET THEM GO...
          I say THEM, I really only have one in mind. But it's a 'friend' that I feel like I'm constantly reaching for and they are never reaching back. I get that we are both busy, we both have kids, we both have spouses/or spouse-like people. But I get the feeling like the friendship was much more to me, than it was to them. And it's a bummer. But it's a thing that holds me back..and I don't want to do that anymore.

                                       *STICK to it/WEIGHT Loss
     I'm far from being on their infomercial..but the Slim4Life program does work..if YOU stick to it. I've sucked at it lately..but no more. It's not a hard program. It's not rocket surgery. They don't ask too much of you. And I've chosen it as my 'way' to lose weight. And I'm going to do it.

                              *BE HAPPY...
   I struggle with Happy. I really do. Even though I'm medicated and have everything in the world I could want..I struggle. My Mom struggled too, and where I'm not blaming her for 'my' lack of happy..I don't think it helped. And that little gal in the pic with me..that's my girl..and I want her to have a happy Momma..(I want that for my boy too..I just don't have a cute picture of the two of us to put up) I think I deserve to be happy. I think we all do.

What are YOUR resolutions? Or do you make any??
Happy New Year! A couple days early!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Post Christmas Purge

No real pukin' this is a safe space.
Although I did almost eat myself sick on spiral ham (aka chewy salt lick)...and day one ( back on the wagon (for the zillionth time)..all I want is a slice of bread..ok..a piece of toast with butter AND peanut butter...let's be honest. But I think I'm craving the bread so it can suck up all the salt in my the trick of putting a peeled potato in a pot of soup if you oversalted...see? see? You learned something huh?
Somewhere between getting home from the cruise, tenant catastrophes, and holidays..I've lost the charger for my my Christmas pics are blurry iphone pics..and I'm not too happy about that. Esp since this was our first Christmas in our new house. Last year we were displaced b/c the house wasn't ready yet and did Christmas at the in-laws.
Moving on to a couple random topics-
iphone...I know I'm one of the last people on the planet to get one (got it for my birthday in October)..but I love favorite apps lately are Bandcamp (where I have ALL The Lower Lights albums) and Lose It! (where I can track all the stuff I put in my mouth). I the only one that the day AFTER Christmas they turn into cranky-whiney-demons after they've had the BEST day? My kids don't respond well to over stimulation I guess *shrugs*
cruise...all signs point to us becoming QUITE the cruising family..and I'm totally ok with that..>Disney Cruise #2 scheduled for January yes...I have to wait over a year...but totally worth it.
Hope you all had amazing Christmases and Holidays with those who are most special to you!

Monday, December 2, 2013

Back at it

 Here are a couple of pics, just because I suck at posting pics...and sometimes it's nice to 'see' who is talking to you, amIright? The top pic is myself and my mini-me. Who wants her two front teeth for Christmas. And where my Mother-in-law jokingly says she 'hopes they never come in', I miss the teeth!
Family pic, last day on the ship! 10lbs heavier than when we started (all in my face, bleh!)-but it was an amazing vacation. Hands down best ever. Want to/will do it again..and again..and again. As many times as we can. We all loved it!!

And then back to reality!
I came back to 3 vacant properties, and a message from a tenant stating they were going to be moving out...make that 4 vacant properties. Two of which needed/wanted HUD inspections (read-headache).
Oh..and the 10lbs of cruise weight.
Well...two weeks later I am happy to report that the houses are 'almost' done. I've gotten leases, deposits, tenants, etc figured out and things look *knocks on wood* ok for the moment. But in the landlording world, that can change, and so quickly!

Re: my weight. Well...luckily (and then again not so) I was already 'up' at my last weigh in with Slim 4 Life, so when I checked in with them, I was only up 3lbs..instead of 10..good right?
I decided to enjoy one last weekend...we did Thanksgiving with my parents, so we did a Saturday with his parents (our parents do not mix..which makes for lots of akward scheduling)-We went and saw Frozen..loved it. Then grabbed some real italian food. Then Sunday we grabbed brunch with a friend before heading to the Chiefs game. Normally we aren't big footballers, but I do love my Manning boys, and the weather was great! Plus the Broncos won! Sorry KC, I did feel bad cheering for blue in a sea of red, but the heart wants what the heart wants!

Today...back on the wagon. I've weighed and will stick to eating healthy/well..because I am going to say goodbye to the 180s soon. For the record this morning was-
184.6 (boo, hiss!).

So...goal...back to the 170s, and beyond! (Sorry, our boy is full on into the Toy Story phase)

How was YOUR weekend? Have you ever been on a cruise (Disney or other)? Would you go again?

Friday, November 8, 2013

Stressed is spelled n-o b-l-o-g-g-i-n-g

So I kinda dropped off the face of the earth..again.
I say I'm busy..and I hate that b/c usually people that say "I'm busy" also mean "I'm so important" and really..I'm just so legit busy that I want to scream sometimes.
Here is a quick Cliff's Notes version of 'Suze Lately'-
-on the landlord front...1 eviction and the dude is STILL squatting in my house. 2 new properties, and 2 people moving out. Ah and one of the tenants that moved out took it upon themselves to take out the chain link fence while they were at it..suuuuper.
-on the work front (b/c landlording isn't enough right?) I'm up to 3 days one week, 2 days the other. I was calling it a 'part-time' job...but now I'm calling it an 'other job'.
-on the subbing front (job #4), been kinda quiet...which is a-ok. however i do miss some of my teenage friends, and get texts occassionally from my favorite telling me she misses me. Aws.
-on the Momma front (job #1!!!)-the kids are great, and doing ALOT better than I think I would be with a Momma like me that is constantly having to work (in some capacity or another).
-on the weight front...I'm getting there. Now...I knew (in the back of my mind) that losing 50lbs in 4 months wouldn't be done by me. I mean, it could have if I had been totes militant about following the program. But I slipped up a bit. We had our wedding anniversary, I had my birthday, oh..I also went on birth control for a couple months to move my cycle (deats on that next), so it jacked things up..but so far the count is down 22lbs. What?! I mean that's good! It's not 50..I still have a good bit to go! But...that's 22lbs. That's no more 190s, no more 180s, and chilling in the low 170s. And I'm ok with that for the moment.
-on today (and for the next week) what I should be doing...packing. Because um..we fly out at 1 for a Disney Cruise. Holla! are packed. But I haven't packed myself or Hubs yet. And his handwriting is so shitty that I'm not sure of half the stuff he wants packed anyway according to his list. But for reals...a cruise! And I'm going to try really hard to be happy about it. I'm going to try to enjoy myself and NOT feel self consious the ENTIRE time. I'm going to try to enjoy myself and yet NOT go overboard-literally AND where food/drink consumption is concerned. Oh and that's where the bc came in..I realized I'd be dealing with the crimson wave while I was on the great blue and didn't want to deal with I jacked up my horomones and moved it up a week.
-on 'fall' resolution, well actually my 'post' cruise resolutions are to finish losing the weight and get better about blogging. I originally started this specific blog to be mostly about weight loss/getting healthy. BUT I think that writing is very cathartic and sometimes I  need an outlet to complain about landlord things, and work things, and day to day things. So I'm going to branch out on Slim Down Suze with those topics as well. And I hope there are people out there who want to read it. That laugh at my jokes and look forward to my posts. I know I have blogs that I love and look forward to, and I'd LOVE to be one of those to other people.
So...Bon Voyage!

Friday, August 2, 2013

So far.

Technically I've been on Slim 4 Life a week and a half. And I haven't cheated. At all...though I've been tempted.
First weigh in at S4L had me at 194.4 (whomp whomp)
Week one weigh in has me at 185.4
That's -8.8lbs. That's a pretty big deal. Or is should be.
BUT I'm a bit of a bitch to myself.
And you see...185 and me? We're old buds. I've known that number on and off a few times over the past couple of years.
I've known all the 180s fairly well.
So to me..until I hit something other than something with a 18- in front of it..I'm not getting anywhere yet.

I can already tell you that I'm going to end up spending more on the supplements..when I didn't think I would. But my chocolate protein powder Hubs and I keep at home is NOT comparable in ANY way to their Hot Chocolate protein drink. Nope, nope, nope.
They (S4L) encourages 3 snacks a day...but at $16 for 7 snacks I'm using them as more treats or 'get through the afternoon' type things.
For instance..
I can have 2 fruits a day.
Green grapes are my go-to (I can't have red ones per the clue why? Sugar content maybe?). I can have 10. So around 9:30-10 am I count out my measly little 10 grapes.  I don't even put them in a bowl..I just palm them and try to eat slowly.
I'm pretty much out of other fresh fruit. have some oranges...but they suck..worst bag of oranges ever. Moving on...
I have bags upon bags of frozen strawberries in the freezer (kids and Hubs are fans). I don't especially like them.
But the diet says I can have 12 of them. Which is 2 more than the grapes. Which means ALOT more food in my tiny mind.
But again..not a huge fan.
Then again..I'm not a huge fan of the lemon protein drink I got either..but since I am out of hot choc..I'd better finish it.
So I found that the lemon mix + partially frozen strawberries + some water ='s a totally delicious and filling smoothie. Takes care of the snack..and the second fruit serving!

Also..did you guys know I have a food blog? Totally do and you should check it out! To prove that I'm not completely starving myself via the is a link to my latest post which stars a rock star dinner I had the other night! Fish..on a diet.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Where am I?

So I gave up there for awhile. I'm sure from the lack of postings that is pretty evident.
However I just kinda gave up on documenting..because nothing was happening. There was nothing to tell you.
Husband finally saw that 'yes' I was making an effort, and 'no' it wasn't getting me anywhere and asked me if I wanted to try this uber-popular (and expensive) diet program/place.
And instead of being a total girl and getting pissed that he is actually saying "Yes, I agree, you need to lose some weight"---
I jumped at the chance.
I needed a nudge...and I got a push.
Also I found out that almost ALL of my new co-workers had gone here at some point.
Here is Slim 4 Life.
And although I suck at keeping secrets, I'm not going to tell you everything they tell me.
Here is what I will tell you...
Last Monday I weighed in at 194 (fully clothed, around noon on their scale).
On Tuesday I started the 'prep' phase- a 3 day cleanse (Technically Day 1)
On Wednesday I weighed in again at 188.6 (Day 2)
It's restrictive, I'll give you that. And for the most part, it isn't telling me anything I don't know. When they cut out certain's not like I was surprised. did surprise me...onions. Can't have onions.
After 3 days of prep, you pick up on a pretty standard 'program'-
2 proteins
2 fruits (before 6pm)
4 veggies
2 starches
and a couple random supplements..for the most part..w/out looking at my little cheater book.

Am I advocating and/or encouraging you to try the program/pay for it like I did? No...not yet.
But can I sit here and tell you that I'm seeing some progress? Sure
I can tell you a few things-

1) actually plunking down the funds to do it was an eye opener. It's non-refundable. It's not like the other 'goals' I've made myself where 'sure,  I'll weigh in and post for 10 weeks in a row'..and didn't. It's green, hard earned dollas that I shelled out. It's a 'do this, or you just flushed money down the turlet' deal.

2) accountability. I tried the blogging weigh ins (see #1)..and that wasn't enough of a check in. They want you to check in 3-4 times a week at first. But since I live 45 away from the office, that ain't happening. The office check ins are pretty low key. It's one on one. It's a silent weigh in. Then it's about 5 minutes of 'let's talk it out and see where you are'. So far the staff is pretty nice.

3) I am still getting pissy and annoyed with it all. I think that is just a me thing though. As 'fool proof' and 'exercise free' this program claims to's not as fast as I'd like. I'd like to wake up at my goal weight..not wait 16 weeks thanksomuch.

My brain is kinda messed up. Until I see a number in the 170s..I'm not going to feel like this is working. 194 wasn't a good number. 188 is a better number..and in a 2-3 day period should have been a huge win, right?
I'm too realistic for that. I know it was probably water weight..b/c I'm back up around a pound (189.2 this morning-Day 5)
But I've seen all these numbers before. I've seen as 'low' as 183 (back in March)-
So I'm sorry..but again..until I see a number I haven't seen before I'm going to grumble and be skeptical.
But I'm going to stick with it.
And I'm hoping the combo of blog venting and the actual office check ins will keep the motivation going.

Here's hopin'!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Weigh in Wednesday-Week 5

Pretty Strong Medicine
So do I have better news this week? Meh, kind of.
Today- 189.4 misplaced loss of -.6
At least it's going in the right direction again. I've realized I can't really have 'cheat' days. I mean sure...Hubby lost 70lbs and he uses Saturday as "Fat"-urday..and that's fine. For him, because he's LOST it already. Me, not so much. It seems like that big binge of the weekend sets the next week (and next weigh in) up for failure.
I feel like if I could just get a kick start, I could get on a roll (call me Butter). But I'm not finding that kick that I'm needing.
You know what I did need? Medication. Sometimes you get down and blue and you can't pull yourself out of it. No matter how much food you eat, how much you work out, how many people love you...sometimes you can't by yourself..and that's where I was. Down, down, down. But I'm working on getting better. And I'm actually going to see a therapist soon that deals with more 'my' issues soon. I'm ok with that. I think more people should be.
We have a wedding this weekend..and I have nothing to wear..and no desire to shop for the size that I'm in (bleh).
I'm to the point where I'm so consumed with weight/weight loss/eating things just aren't 'fun' anymore. I don't want to be around people. I don't want people to see me. Just not having fun right now. But I know I'm the only person that can change that.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Weigh in Wednesday Week 4

I'm not gonna lie. First, that I hate that phrase. I think it's overused. I also hate "let me ask you a question". Moving on...
Second. I don't want to tell anyone that might be reading this the atrocious number that looked at me from the scale this morning.
BUT it's Weigh in Wednesday- so I'm going to.

Week 4- 190 (*pukes* I hate that 9)
that's up 3.8
Gain, like a colossal one.

However, I have a few things to blame/thank for it. Other than just lack of self control...
We went out of town. I went 'home'. Home to a place where I never have lived, but spent every summer. My Granny's house. Where the smells and the textures flood every sense I have with memories.
Oh, and Granny (at 87 years young) doesn't cook anymore. She hands you some bills and tells you to go pick up whatever you want.
And what did we want?
Top Hat 2 pizza...the one on Q ave. Not Pizza King, not Top Hat on Broad...although I'm pretty sure it's ALL the same's different I'm tellin ya! And we might have eaten it twice. It's a tricky pizza that isn't sliced into wedges, but criss crossed into 3x3(ish) for a second you don't feel like you are eating as much..til you realize you've downed about 10 of those 'little' guys.

Grippo's BBQ potato chips. My love for these salty, sweet, spicy, chips goes deep...waaaaay deep. Ate the entire bag in two days deep.


And let's not forget Jack's. Seriously. His applesauce donuts rock my socks off. We got a dozen 6 applesauce, 6 glazed, and they were gone. In a matter of minutes.


So we gorged. And gorged some more. I'm not condoning it. But I'm being honest about it. 'Home' is an emotional place to go, and I'm a girl that supresses those emotions by eating. There...honest.

I'll have a better number next week.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Weigh in Wednesday

Week 3--5/15-186.2
Week 2--5/8 -186.2
Week 1--5/1- 186.6

Slow, slow, slow.
I don't know.
(Poet, dontcha know it!)

And this is where I usually give up. Throw my hands up. Head to the nearest McD's. But I'm not.
I'll sigh. And I'll be annoyed (I am annoyed).
But I'm not giving up.
Even though we're going on vacation tomorrow to a land of plenty (of food).

Monday, May 13, 2013

Whirlwind week...and Run #1

Last week was insane. Sorry for the drop off, but it was. I was up at 5 err morning to get ready to make the hour long drive down to KC to help with exams at 'high risk' schools. And me w/out my conceal and carry license. Eeek. Anyway...I survived...AND our crew got SO much done that they don't need me this week. I'm not bummed about that.
However I did miss something...

I'll tell ya, it wasn't great. And honestly I don't expect this week to be better, my eating has been TERRIBLE b/c I let my stress level determine what goes in my mouth. <---BAD habit.
So for week 2- 5/8  186.2
it's down a measly .4 from Week 1. I was pissed and disappointed, but I know it's up to ME to do it and obviously I wasn't doing something right. Despite the fact I had salads for dinner like 3 days that week..should have been worth at least a COUPLE pounds. Come on.

I have been semi-successful in my original goal of stopping it w/the soda. The only soda I had was one that my anti-soda husband brought me, and it was barely carbonated, all natural, DRY was aaaahhhh-mazing. Seriously..not only did it hit that soda button I needed, but it tasted like a spa in a bottle. So relaxing and delicious. And I wish I was getting something for the HUGE thumbs up I'm giving them..but I'll settle for the fact that I loved the soda like crazy.
Beyond that it's been coffee, water, or tea. I miss the bubbles, man. And told Hubby last night that I think the reason I'm eating more is b/c I'm wanting soda. But I'm going to try to stick with it.

On Saturday morning I woke up early. I'd been used to getting up at 5 and my body naturally woke up at 10 til 5 and said "get out of bed" so I did. And I watched Silver Linings Playbook. Loved it. When it was over, Hubby and kids were still asleep, so I decided to put on some sneakers and walk. We live out in the country, to we gravel travel, but still. My IW went with and so did my shuffle...
It was more walking than running (or jogging), but for the mile or so that is our driveway/gravel road, I took little bursts of running. I'll track the actual measurement of it so I'll know..but the point is I got out and did it. And on the last leg, I ran, then I walked down our long-ass driveway. Bradley Cooper spitting the whole way. What is it with running that makes my mouth turn into a rancid Niagra Falls? Anyone else do that? Anyway?
That afternoon we went out for a combo Mother's Day/We'll be out of town for Hub's birthday lunch at Bristol, it's one of Hub's favorites and I'm liking it alot too. Then we stopped and got a shit ton a lot of plans for the garden. We planted when we got home.

Sunday (Mother's Day-happy happy to all Mama's/Mama's to be/Mama's in their heart)-the Hubs and kids made me a gigantic breakfast and to prove I loved it I ate, and ate, and ate. I got wildflowers picked out of our pastures, some fishing (I caught a snapping turtle, made me pee my pants a little), and some sun burn on my cheeks.
I made my Mother in Law a pie and she called later to tell me "Thank your husband for the pie for me". Some things I just CAN'T win.
I'd gotten Ma her favorite fast food earlier in the week and had told her then that was her 'present' and she lurved it. I had a good phone convo with her that day about Ma's day and the obigatory call yesterday as well. Things were good.

This post turned into War and Peace. Sorry, guys. But I had a lot to catch you up on.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013


Anybody remember this movie? I don't think I ever actually watched it..but the gist was nice teacher goes into majorly inner city school, like hard core rough stuff, but makes it out ok.
That's been my week...
sort of.
I agreed to help proctor some exams. And turns out the schools we are proctoring are the rough ones in Kansas City. Like whoa. I mean where I'm from (not exactly Kansas City) subbing is cake. The kids might cuss and little, but that's about as bad as it gets.
Yesterday, I was full on choking on mace from where it had to be sprayed in the halls to break up a fight...twice. I was safe...ish. If you count the "Teachers, at this time we ask that you please close and lock your classrooms doors" announcement that we followed about every third period.
So it's been kinda stressful...and sad.
Makes me very thankful for the type of environment that I'm normally in.

So whew...that's me this week. I think it's punishment for the gorge-fest I participated in over the weekend. I mean it's totally normal to go to BOTH Olive Garden and Chili' ONE day...right? No..nobody? *bloats*

Friday, May 3, 2013

Brain dump

Semi topic-less posting..but in general what's swirlin' round my old cerebral...

1. I love my Ma, something fierce. And yes, I call her Ma. Not Mother, Mommy, Mom, etc. However, when she KNOWS I am trying to watch what I eat, and when she comes over to watch the kids and I get home from work and she's made pecan and chocolate chip cookies. It's impossible for me to resist (and she KNOWS that). Especially with a hot cup of coffee.

2. I was supposed to sub a full day today. I wasn't feeling it. I was thisclose when I got up this morning to cancelling out and letting some other subbin' schmo have a crack at it. But I sucked it up and went in, to be told by the Para in my class- "you basically have nothing today". Then WHY I am here?? So I talked it over with the main lady and left at 12. I mean, thanks for the opportunity and all, I'm good with the money end of it, but it makes me feel guilty to be paid for shouldn't. But it does.

3. Even though I'm doing Weigh in Wednesday I've been checking my weight daily, and daily it pisses me off the scale isn't moving faster.

4. Lora posted a '25 things about me' blog today in which she mentions her love for White Cheese dip. And I am craving it. Not that I need it on top of the cookies I just horked down.

5. When we were building our new house, I had to work really closely with all the contractors. The same guy did our plumbing and our electrical and where it may be totes weird to be really good friends with your plumber, he's like on 'brother' level now. As in, took a half eaten cookie from me earlier w/out even batting an eye...
Luckily he's not a gross, greasy, plumber..he's actually pretty cute. His ass crack isn't offensive in the least. It helps to have cute guy friends when you are a girl with a self esteem problem.

6.I get really annoyed with my friends list posting on FB about the freak MO weather..and I'm about to annoy myself right now by saying "WTF Spring?!". A good friend of mine posted: "GO home Winter, you're drunk" and that right there cracked me up...but for real. I'm ready to start complaining about how hot it is.

And..I think that's it. No huge plans for the weekend. The weather is supposed to start acting better around Sunday. So cross your fingers.

Thursday, May 2, 2013


And THAT my a giant bottle of water.
Subbin' at the HS and this girl had one, and when she told me where she got it..I literally shuddered. The big W. I am not a fan.
1)I used to work there (back in HS)
2) I honestly think I'm kinda agoraphobic and it (going there) freaks me out
3) Open more than 2 flippin' registers when you have 20 of them, mmkay?
However, yesterday my parents needed my help with a transportation issue, and Ma needed to stop in to pick up a script.
Now..even though I'm not a fan..there are a couple good things that happen. I always get to see two of my guy buddies that I used to work with there..they became career W's and that's awesome for them..and it's always good to see them.
The other good thing is the spoiling parents thing. Yes, I may be 30 (bleh) but I am the baby and I have the only that's like DOUBLE the spoiling. And I don't take too much advantage of my parents (not that they would care if I did, they love me more than cable tv). My 'haul' yesterday was a couple of the awesome water bottles (I knew that Hubs would steal mine if I just got one), some new tea (tryin to break that soda habit), some lemon gum (what?! Yes. Love lemon), some green coffee bean pills (Dr. OZ had them on the show and I'm a sucker for the newest 'pill'<--sad), and I think that was about it. I kept it at a minimum....this trip.
But let's talk about the bottle for a sec...that sucker holds 8 glasses of water. So minimum daily in one bottle. And for my head...2 quarts...quick math (even though I suck at math generally)
1 gallon=4 quarts
1 quart=4 cups
Which means 2 of these bottles full of water, is a gallon of water. Sweet. I generally drink alot of water anyway, but I know it's not a gallon a day. I like having the bottle so I can kinda 'track' how much I am drinking. I might even put rubber bands or something on it, so I can count how many bottles I drink a day. I'm thinking 2 minimum.
I drank one bottle before dinner last night...over the course of about an hour, and ate less...I know that. And it was a good dinner.
I'd posted in the 10 week challenge group on FB that I was doing a zucchini noodle lasagna...and it didn't suck, but it was soooo watery. I blame that on the zucchini. If I can figure out a way to dry it out a big, I'll for sure be making it again!
Yesterday's eating had a lot of veggies..which is good. A mixed greens salad with the zucchini lasagna, then to take care of my sweet tooth after dinner a green smoothie. Honestly, my guts aren't loving me today...LOTS of greens + a ton of water. Eesh. But I'm hopin' in a few days my system will get used to it!
The weather in MO today sucks, but I'm going to try to stay sunny..even though the weather isn't.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Weight in Wednesday + 10 week challenge

Might just be the kick in the pants I need right?

Today May 1- 186.6 Let's just state..for the record (you can totes tell I used to work with a bunch of attorneys huh?) I HATE the 80s. And I don't mean the neon scrunchie, John Hughes laden, Wham! rockin' 80s. I mean that RANGE. I've been here tooooooo long. And I'm tired of being here. I'll probably piss down my leg w/happiness when I finally see the 170s. Even 179 would be a happy moment...just sayin'.

So here's what I'm doing.. (and a bunch of others too!)

I'm hoping that jumping into a group that is already chock-full of some AWESOME bloggers will encourage me to keep it up.
The mini-challenge this week is cleaning the 'bad' food out of your fridge. And I can honestly say that we don't have alot of bad stuff in the fridge. Seriously. We have a ton of spinach, lettuces, veggies, raw goat milk, cucumber water, green tea. Our fridge it set up for success...I'm just not doing what I KNOW I need to be doing.
So along with the regular mini challenges I'm going to give myself one as big one really. Stop drinking soda. I'm a diet soda swilling queen. Gawd, I love the stuff! And I need to stop. So I'm going to..right now.

So 10 weeks...that's just over 2 months...we can do this! 'I' can do this.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Brain dump

-up at 5 to shower, to then wait for it to stop raining so I can go out and milk the goats, to them come in and dry hair/do hair/get ready for school.

-subbing 4 out of the 5 this week. *sigh* If I didn't want/need the money so bad I'd be pissed. Instead I'll just be pissy. I mean what happened to the subs like I had in HS? Pop in a movie and you are good to go? Nope...not now. And most of the time the original teachers don't leave their computer log ons so I can't just play around on the computer. It's like they WANT you to work for your money. What? Granted, I'm chomping down some Nora Roberts books like Doritos. 5 in the past 2 weeks. Thanks Subbing! *thumbs up*

-I DVR Dr. OZ and yesterday was all about the Paleo diet. Which to me just seems like Atkins w/out dairy. And you know..dairy probably is part of my fat problem. But it's a coffee thing. Coffee, sweetener, half and half. Not some non-dairy powder. If I wasn't terrified of the caffeine headache (which I totally get) and if I hadn't just opened a new box of Golden French Toast (K-cups, yo) I'd try to quit...

-Babe (the irish wolfhound) had 2 dates this weekend, fingers crossed for puppies in June!

-My previously-fat husband (the one that thinks he knows ALL about dieting)-seriously gets on my nerves. Esp when I want to get my 'eat' on. Having him 'reformed' doesn't make it easier for me to try to lose, b/c he's judgey about it and very- "Oh so you are just going to give up on your diet?". No, I just want to eat my ONE bowl of ice cream and for you to shutdaFup. Thanks.

Well the sun isn't up, and it's still raining and cold (come on Spring, let's get it in gear!), but it's light enough that I need to go and get the milking done. Boots and bucket time.

Happy Tuesday.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Dear 46lbs....

Dear 46lbs,

I've been trying to get you to leave for awhile now. I don't want you anymore. And in fact, you pretty much make my life miserable. You consume my thoughts and make me question EVERYTHING. Well, ok..granted you and my wickedly low self esteem have tag teamed this..but still. You aren't helping.
Now, I appreciate your efforts as of lately to at least rearrange yourself to where all my XL shirts fit loosely and my 16 pants are comfortable. But I don't want to be an XL/16 anymore. So you need to go.
It's Spring, and it's going to be a hot summer...I want to wear things so that my skin can get some sun, and maybe even start allowing myself to be photographed again.
Oh and that wedding coming was to Mr. and Mrs., no room for +46 so you can't go. I know some of you will...but seriously. I'm tired and I want you gone. You are bringing me down in SO many ways and I just don't want you around anymore.
If about 7 of you could just, you know...leave..maybe it would give me some hope that the rest of you are at least considering it as well.


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Wrong way fatty.

So the scale says 185 (wrong way fatty!), which is up from my first post where I was at 181.8 (about a month ago). And it's a pisser. Especially when I feel like I've been trying.
I've been eating less, and still pretty low carb. I did work out for like a week, but then I started subbing a ton and stopped (insert excuses here). I've been taking green coffee bean AND acai berry pills..not that I think they'll work a miracle, but I've found they do kinda stave off my monster appetite. I'm not telling YOU to do it..I'm just being honest with what I'm doing.
I'm just so damn tired all the time. I feel too tired to work out, I feel to tired to even catch up on my DVR or watch a movie (that's a new development). However, I'm never too tired to eat....I wish I were.
NOTHING about weight loss is easy. It all sucks pretty bad.
But one bad mood won't finish me off. But today..I wallow.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

You might as well know...

it's a confession of sorts..not one that I'm ashamed of (although I used to be-more on that later)..but here goes it...I've got goats. Yup. Bleating, shedding, milk producing beauties! And here is me in all my erm..glory (?) with one of my girls. Of course they have ridiculous names since my daughter named them. My two milkers (females/nannies who have recently kidded/given birth and I'm able to milk)-are Butterscotch Cookie (Scotch) and Snow White (Snow). I can go totally goat on you..but I won't..but I'm sure that little bits of my vast caprine knowledge will spill over into stuff I'm sharing.
 I kinda had a point of putting the pic..I've yet to get a 'full size' pic of my current body status, but even sitting, it's getting better. But more so you can get an idea of me on a daily. Twice a day I'm pullin on my 'barn' boots and headed down to the barn. I grew up doing this and being annoyed with it..but now as an adult who has to pay upwards of $4 a gallon for cow milk..I'll happily do it so we can have fresh milk. I won't go total hippy on you, b/c I'm love my store bought milk just as much..but I will tell you there is a certain joy that comes with goats. Being a landlord as well (which sometimes means being a babysitter) I have to have my phone with me at all times..and it gets really old. But I did make a rule to be totally unplugged at the barn. When I'm with the girls and it's milking's quiet. It's only me and the goats, the milk hitting the bucket, and the quiet crunching of grain/hay. And that's enough of my 'barn nerd' for one post.
Moving on!...
This is me and my girl! Who turned 5 yesterday...she lost two of her bottom teeth (way early) and tends to highlight that in pics...but she's my best little gal. She's a complete Mini-Me. In fact my Husband is known to say that "there aren't any shows on tv that entertain me more than watching you girls argue, because it's like watching you argue with the small version of yourself, and neither of you ever win". It's true.
Monday and Tuesday were ok days as far as eating went. I also did WAP (Walk away the Pounds with Leslie Sansone) 3 miles Monday, 1 mile Tuesday. Yesterdays eating wasn't great....Miss M had decided she wanted my parents to take her to a Chinese buffet for lunch (1 plate there), then instead of cake she chose cheesecake and eclairs for her 'cake'...and spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. I didn't gorge, but I did take samplings of everything. But I didn't get horribly full, but it's not like I was eating great things either.
And that's all for now! I'm heading to the barn, then subbin' at the school later. Busy, but not manic. I can manage that.
Have a great day!

Monday, April 1, 2013

Holy Hangry

Pinned Image

It's totally a thing. And I had a SERIOUS problem with it yesterday.
Well first let's discuss the amazing Easter lunch I made...quite the spread...spiral ham, deviled eggs, hashbrown casserole (Mother in law made that one), biscuits (canned, I cheated), a giant coconut cake (from scratch, yo), and cheesy corn (oh, sweet Heaven...). I helped myself to ALL of it..well..not the biscuits..I thought "meh, I don't need the extra carbs" and ate a moderate slice of cake. Bah.
Afterwards I was FULL, like slip into a 4 hour nap full (not dirty full like I was on the pizza buffet night), which I was denied (thanks Hubs) due to the fact we had family over. Family that we see ALL THE TIME mind you...anyway.
I thought (in my state of fullness) "I won't eat dinner, I'm good, way too full".
But then around hit. I was hungry. And I didn't especially want some leftovers...
I specifically wanted pizza...and a Pepsi. Hubs was hungry as well, so I called to see how long the pizza place was open "we are open until 8", sweet...well..evidently they didn't hang up the phone all the way, b/c when I went back to call in our order (after I'd alerted Hubs that we were going to order one) busy signal...for like an hour..(believe me..I called like 25 times). It was the universe telling me "NO". Screaming "NO" at me..and I just didn't want to hear it.
But then I spied some potato chips on the counter, and though..hmm..yes..that will do. Only to return from my shower to find that Hubs had inhaled the bag. And I started to crack.
The bed hadn't been made, so I started angrily on that task, and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. And then I snapped.
I saw my muffin top and my full face and screamed *inside my head* that obviously my fat ass didn't NEED anymore food.
At which point Hubs stepped in-
H: Why are you mad at me?
Hangry Suze: I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at me, well no...I am mad at you b/c you ate the potato chips. But I'm mad at my fat ass b/c I don't need to eat anyway.
At which point he launches into a speach about how I'm making progress and even how his coworkers have commented that I look like I've lost weight. And that's sweet..really..but until "I" can see it, I don't feel like it counts..that's just how I am unfortunately.
I didn't want a protein shake. I wanted a Pepsi.
I didn't want leftovers. I wanted Pizza.
And I want to wake up at my goal weight and totally forget this 'fat' part.
I was in tears, and unhappy, and getting more and more pissed at Hubs for trying to help.
At one point in his "this is a journey" speal-I hollered out at him "Shut up Jillian Michaels".
He ended up making some scrambled eggs with the leftover ham and some onions, and we polished off the cheesy corn (at least no WHITE carbs in it).
I went to bed full, but it sure as Hell wasn't a happy full.

Today I am chugging water like crazy to try to help out with yesterday's immense salt intake. And just hoping that the Hanger pains don't kick in that was again for a looooong time.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Wrist way?

So it's weird to be posting a picture of my wrist, right? I have a is it..
it's where I notice I've lost weight first. I wish I could say "oh, my thighs look less cottage cheesey" or  "I look less pregnant today". But nope...the wrists have it. Wrists and collarbone. Weird right? I is. But do you have any weird spots that you notice first?
I'm having people tell me lately they can see it in my face. I don't. I still see Edna the big faced seriously big, ok like a satellite dish(if you ever watched Wings, you'll get it, if not the link takes you to it..skip forward to 1:53). But it's nice of them to say that...maybe there is progress being made, I just can't see it..anywhere but my wrists.

Even though the weight isn't coming off as quickly as I'd like it to, I am finding that my eating habits are REALLY changing.
The other day I was subbin', took the kids some Starburst, and during the movie we were watching (b/c yes, I'm a sub and we watch movies)-I mindlessly ate like 5 of them. No big right? Um, no..about an hour later, I was convinced I had the stomach flu, or that something was terribly wrong with me. I wanted to puke, but I couldn't. I ached, and my stomach was just spasming (is that a word? is now!) and it was terrible. And the ONLY thing I could trace it to was the candy. Unless one of the 6th graders slipped me something when I wasn't looking...
Then last night we ate at a pizza buffet. Now having recently gotten so drunk and thrown up pizza (hey, honesty right?) I am ok to stay away from it. But this buffet, had boneless bbq wings...and I am POWERLESS against them. And monkey bread...effin' caramel monkey bread. However, after gorging myself..again..physically ill. Wanting to puke SO bad. My dog (the IW) routinely wakes me up around 1-2am to be let out (annoying, but better than cleaning piss up) and when she did I (again) felt like I was getting the flu..I hurt all over. My feet were swollen and ached, and my head was killing me. I chugged some more water, popped 4 ibuprofen and hit the sheets again (once she'd done her biz). I woke up feeling ok..but not hungry at all.
I subbed today and continually sucked down water, and prayed for the bell so I could pee between classes. When I got out of school I hit Subway for a salad, not because I was terribly hungry, but because all I had had was a cup of coffee and a TON of water. I needed something, right? Then dinner was a protein shake..same for Hubs, he had gorging remorse as well.
So I am NOT proud of myself for eating what I did, but I guess I'm kinda glad that I'm realizing the effects of how that kind of food really messes with my body.
We've got weekend festivities and generally we do a Faturday, but we decided that it was Eat Whatever-Wednesday instead and we are already previewing menus and trying to decide where we are going to eat based on what 'feels' healthiest to us.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Finish the Sentence!

1. If calories didn't count, I would eat... kraft Mac and Cheese, every meal, every day. I don't get sick of it.

2. On my Prom night.... which one? (boom!)--there were 3 my junior year, (I opted out Senior year b/c I graduated early), and I was too busy collecting dates to worry about date protocol, so 2 out of the 3 didn't even get boutonnieres. I think I had the MOST fun at my own school's prom. My date was a guy I worked with that went to a private school that didn't have dances, and there was nothing romantic so there were no strings, or weirdness, just fun. The other two were weird. At other schools with guys that I kinda liked, but felt like the girls (from the other schools) were giving me the stank eye all night..uncomfortable.

3. When I go to the store, I always buy... milk..if the kids don't need it for cereal, I need it in my coffee

4. Family functions typically... are divided and best tolerated with some Xanax. My parents and my in-laws do NOT mix. So we have two separate everythings. Gets VERY exhausting. Two birthday parties for each kid. Two holiday meals *bloats*. So I keep two pills in my pocket at all times. :)

5. I think my blog readers... will come? It's a fairly new blog, but I feel like I'm witty and entertaining and cater to the field of "semi stay at home Moms that kinda feel like they need 'something', and that want to lose a little weight"

6. I'd much rather be..... famous. Point blank. I'd love for people to 'know' me, I'd love to be a house hold name.

7. I have an obsession with.... television. At any general time I have at least 200 things on my DVR. And I get cranky with my children when they get up too early and interupt Mommy's tv time.

8. My work friends.... does my dog count? I'm a stay at homer for the most part. I guess that other teachers at the school are 'kinda' my co-workers?

9. When I created my Facebook account.... my personal one? Mainly just to see what people I went to HS/College with were up to. Now I use it to keep up with people that I don't associate with b/c I feel like I'm a fatty and don't like to do social things. What?

10. My least favorite word is...  it is a phrase actually. "Can I ask you a question?" or "Let me ask you this..."-just ask the damn question! Don't ask to ask!

11. I really don't remember.... a time that I didn't drink coffee. Um..yeah..I started the summer I was 9, when I started spending my vacation with my grandparents. THEY drank coffee...and it was just a good excuse to bond with Papaw in the mornings. We would drink coffee and sit and watch squirrels on the front porch.

12. Justin Bieber....  I didn't even know who he was until Glee did an episode. And I like the Glee cover better

Hungry? Oh that's right..I have a food blog too! At our house lately..we're addicted to Cabbage Confetti. Totally veggie, NO carbs, hardly any calories. Check it out!

Monday, March 25, 2013

Work it out...

Let's have a little chat about working out at home.

Let's start with the fact that I'm tired (lazy) and don't like getting up in the mornings.
And the fact that I am phob-y about people seeing me workout. Especially Hubs..and that doesn't make sense b/c he's seen my business (literally) at my worse (childbirth x2) and still wants to have sex with me. *shrugs*
I don't like working out with my kids around either. Makes me feel self consious.
Master P fell asleep on the couch...and Little Miss was watching Food Network in the I thought I'd take that opportunity to 'work out'.
My DVD of choice is Walk Away the's easy peasy. You get your heart rate up w/out knowing it, and w/out feeling like you are going to puke. She's perky (almost to the point of annoying) and I feel like she's non-judgy.
I opted for the 12 minute mile...and things were going ok for the first couple of minutes. Until Little Miss caught on to what I was doing and had to do it with me. And just let me tell almost 5 year old is not the most coordinated. Neither am I. So I stepped on her a couple times and let out a couple frustrated noises that scared her off, so I had to (keep walking) and try to apologize to the kid who (I felt) should have just let me walk in peace.
At which point I trip backwards (I didn't fall, thankfully) over our Irish Wolfhound (pictured last post) who thought it was a good idea to take a nap in the floor about 18 inches behind me. But I recovered..and kept walking.
To be interupted again..moments later by the UPS guy. I swear, UPS and Fedex must have an effin' camera set up somewhere in my house..b/c EVERYtime I try to work out at home..they show up.
Also..for the first time since we built our house I'm kinda missing carpet b/c the 'clomp, clomp, stomp, stomp' of my walking on the finished concrete floors vs carpeted flooring was almost worse than the sound of my boobs slapping together on the sidesteps in the video.

Workout fail...
But at least it was one?


I'm sick of the snow. My snow eating dog is NOT.
It's REALLY hard to get in the mood to 'move' (aka exercise) when it's snow covered and cold outside! Not that I really like moving anyway. It would work better for me if the weight just fell off. Don't you agree?

Semi recently my Husband lost like 60lbs. Kinda just woke up one morning and decided to do it, and did. But NOW, well now he thinks he is Bob Harper, or Tony Horton and tries to give diet advice. *eyeroll* But his latest "why don't you try this"..I'm going to actually attempt.
We have a wedding coming up June 1..not ours..sheesh...we're almost 9 years in (as of August)..but one of his coworkers. So to share it with you..I have a VERY lofty goal of 10lbs by then.
So 10lbs in a little more than 9 weeks.
10lbs in 68 days.
And I will tell will set the trend for the other weight that I want to lose. I mean if I can lose the 10 in this set time, why couldn't I be able to lose the other 30.
I guess that is part of my stigma on losing weight. I don't have 100lbs to lose. I don't have 80lbs to lose. I've got maybe 40. And yes..40 is alot right now. But if I lose 10, then it will only be 30..and so on.
So his 'try this'...mainly has to do with getting rid of soda. I'm a die hard diet soda drinker. Period. He thinks that should stop. But if it is a matter of calories in/calories out and it's ZERO calorie soda...hmmm..
But then plan is protein shake for breakfast, no carb lunch, no carb dinner.
10lbs should be doable, HE says. He who has lost 60lbs...

Monday, March 18, 2013

Sick and Tired

Real life Mommy-ing..right here. And's not pretty. My hair is stringy and uncurled. My double chin is right THERE. I don't think any amount of weight loss will help with my wide palms though. *shrugs* But Bubba doesn't worry about any of that as long as I will hold him.
We've been sickish around here. It started with Master P (pictured)-strep and scarlett fever, then onto croup. Then Hubs started to get it, but was able to kick it, but them I started to get it...
Me + trying to get sick + 3rd bday party planning/working 3 part time jobs/sharing a bed with 2 kids and a Hubs ='s Full Blown Sick.
I've been drinking Alka-Seltzer w/elderberry in it and sucking on Cepacol lozenges (disgusting, if my throat didn't hurt so bad I would NOT be doing this).
The 3 jobs thing is getting to me...b/c it's really not 3..if you throw in managing our personal rental properties and being Mom/'s like 5. So one of the 3 is going to go. In fact I sent an email this morning to that effect..and it seems cowardly..and I would have called, but I literally CANNOT find my phone. I know I had it last night by the bed b/c I was texting with my Ma (who is uber worried about her over worked sick gal-ME!), and I 'thought' I put it in my bedside drawer, but if I did, the little Samsung popped out legs and ran away..b/c I can't find it. And in my sicky state I don't really feel like looking for it.
And is it THAT bad that I really don't care? I mean I do...if I have an emergency I can't call out (but can hit the emergency button on our alarm pad..that would work). And if a tenant needs to get ahold of me, they really can't..that could be a problem. But let's just hope it doesn't come to that. I'm going to hope that the phone will resurface and I won't have missed any major issues. And that the kids will be content with PBS and the ipad while I make myself some soup and try to rest a bit.
And I'm giggling as I type that.. b/c any Momma knows that it won't happen.
Newsflash..Mom's aren't allowed to get sick.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Stress baby, stress.


That isn't me. I don't have pretty highlights like that...or a cute suit, and Hell knows my desk isn't that organized. But that look on her face...that dazed, wtf do I do next, frustrated look.. THAT is me.
And it happens alot.
I wish I could be the kind of person who uses stress to their benefit.
Some people get stressed and they clean the to bottom.
Some people get stressed and they can't eat and they lose weight because of it.
Some people get stressed and they bury themselves in a project and are super productive.
Some people get stressed and they head to the gym and exercise off the anxiety.
Me? I'm in the closest drive-thru *beep beep*
The second my stress level starts to rise, so does my appetite. And I slip up. I slip up to the tune of LOTS of oreos (see previous post) and um..McDonald's..after 9pm when I get off work. Eeesh.
Am I alone here?
And yes..I did mess up..big time. But I'm not going to let ONE setback completely throw me off like I used to. I'm going to get back up, dust the french fry salt off my shirt, continue using my McD's soda cup as a water vessel, and go on.
Or at least that is my plan for now.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Don't Tempt Me Tuesday

Let's talk about trigger foods. My two biggest culprits are below-
Mac and Cheese (blue box please)
 Mac and Cheese has ALWAYS been a thing for me. I mean I was raised on it. I've eaten it many different ways (cut up hot dogs in it, chopped onions in it) for many years. It was probably the first thing I ever 'cooked'. But it of course is FULL of carbs, preservatives..and cheesy goodness. It's also a food that my kids eat alot. I did jump on the organic train and get the 'better for you' kind for them. And thankfully it doesn't hit my tastebuds the same as the original did. So today when I fixed them their mac, I was able to 'quality control' it for them to the tune of about 4 forkfulls, versus my normal..just fix two boxes b/c Mama's gonna eat too. I had a chicken breast w/some mushrooms and green beans instead. Meh. Am I full? Yes. Am I happy. Not really.

                        Then you have these guys..again..namebrand only.
I'm not trying to be a food snob on the namebrand vs storebrand/other brand..but they are the original for a reason. Growing up I don't remember eating sweets that much. I even worked at an ice cream/fast food place in my teens and didn't eat that much. We had cake on birthdays. Candied sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving and Christmas. We'd buy a couple bags of candy on Halloween or Easter and when it was gone, it was gone. But when I got married..I married a man who has an Oreo addiction. And it became the norm for date night to consist of stopping at the store, buying a gallon of milk and a pack of cookies. It continued after we had our kids. And it continues today. However, today it's more of a once every 3-4 months thing. Last weekend I messed up though..determined to get the deal..I bought 2 packs instead of one. So I did cap off my healthy chicken w/two cookies. Btw...2 is the serving size for the peanut butter ones..and 3 is the serving for the original. And I think that's ridiculously small.

What foods trigger you?

And notice..I did have a mouthful of mac and two cookies. I heard a long time ago, and I don't know if it is true, or if I just think it is-"If you are craving something, give partially into the craving. You'll end up eating way more calories trying to compensate for what you really want, than if you just eat a little bit of what you crave."
Do you think it's true?

I know for me and the mac today...I made it at the same time that I made my lunch..and I know that if I hadn't have had a couple bites when  I did, I would have gotten some EasyMac at work..or worse yet when I get home from work tonight and the family is asleep making a pot all for me and then sneakily doing the dishes like it never happened. So mac and 2 cookies cost me about 200 calories I didn't intend on, but I'd like to think they saved me alot more than that in the long run!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Let's begin

This is of our 4 cats...who thinks my diet/weight loss attempts are hilarious, apparently.
Actually..he's here b/c I don't really have any pictures of me. I stopped willingly being in pictures about eh...5 years ago. Coincidence that my daughter (the divine Miss M) was born almost 5 years ago as well. Then along came my son (Master P) but the weight has stayed. I only last fall (when P was 2) got down to the weight I was when I found OUT I was pregnant with him. And I'm still around 30lbs away from where I was when I got pregnant with M...5 years ago. And around 45-50lbs away from where I'd like to be.
I realized that for about 5 years..I've been in a bit of an 'it's ok' bubble. It's ok that you are fat, you have two small children. Your kids and your husband love you's what does it matter?
But then something sunk in. I'm NOT a happy person. And I used to be...I mean I used to be awesome. But I don't feel that way anymore. And I'm one of those people who how I look on the outside really DOES play into how I feel on the inside. I wish I could be one of those women who loves my body because of the things it has done-carried and delivered two babies, nursed both those babies for 15 months..each...but I can't.
I think I'm a good Mom, I'm told by others that I'm a great Mom, but I want to be an awesome Mom. And unless I get won't happen.
I'd like to have a better relationship with my Husband. I mean, we're alright..but when I'm miserable about myself, it shows in my moods..and he thinks he has something to do with him (and it doesn't), then we bicker b/c he just doesn't get that it's not about him, it's about me..and it's just an annoying and unhealthy cycle for a marriage.
So where my long term goal is 45-50lbs. Right now I'm going to set a series of mini goals.
My main goal right now is to be in the 170s by Miss M's bday in April.
And I'm close..or least I was until we decided to gorge ourselves at a Sushi place AND Texas Roadhouse yesterday. I know alot of that is just water right now...freakin' A, my hands are swollen this morning. But this morning I'm back on track. I've had my coffee (LOVE my coffee) and I'm about to have my shake. And I'll get this done.
Since Friday is the day that I weigh in when I actually 'count' it..I'll let you know where I was at-
3/8/13- 181.8 lbs (see getting SO close to the 170s)
Miss M's bday is April 3rd. So...4lbs (just to be safe, I know that literally all I need is 2..but I want to be more securely in that range).
Now..I don't like the numbers on the scale..BUT last summer..I was 199 (6/25/12 via my sparkpeople tracker).
That's about 18lbs in 9 months. And really even though it's slow..that's good, right? However, I want the rest of it gone...more quickly.
I've got a friend's wedding coming up in June (will be next mini goal), I've got Hubs and my 9th anniversary in August (another mini goal), then 31st birthday in October. I'd LOVE to be 'done' (at least with the weight loss portion, more maintaining) by then.
So please, stick around! Hang out with me! I'm going to try my best to keep it a daily to help keep myself on track!
Thanks for stopping in!