Monday, March 11, 2013
Actually..he's here b/c I don't really have any pictures of me. I stopped willingly being in pictures about eh...5 years ago. Coincidence that my daughter (the divine Miss M) was born almost 5 years ago as well. Then along came my son (Master P) but the weight has stayed. I only last fall (when P was 2) got down to the weight I was when I found OUT I was pregnant with him. And I'm still around 30lbs away from where I was when I got pregnant with M...5 years ago. And around 45-50lbs away from where I'd like to be.
I realized that for about 5 years..I've been in a bit of an 'it's ok' bubble. It's ok that you are fat, you have two small children. Your kids and your husband love you regardless..it's ok...so what does it matter?
But then something sunk in. I'm NOT a happy person. And I used to be...I mean I used to be awesome. But I don't feel that way anymore. And I'm one of those people who how I look on the outside really DOES play into how I feel on the inside. I wish I could be one of those women who loves my body because of the things it has done-carried and delivered two babies, nursed both those babies for 15 months..each...but I can't.
I think I'm a good Mom, I'm told by others that I'm a great Mom, but I want to be an awesome Mom. And unless I get happy..it won't happen.
I'd like to have a better relationship with my Husband. I mean, we're alright..but when I'm miserable about myself, it shows in my moods..and he thinks he has something to do with him (and it doesn't), then we bicker b/c he just doesn't get that it's not about him, it's about me..and it's just an annoying and unhealthy cycle for a marriage.
So where my long term goal is 45-50lbs. Right now I'm going to set a series of mini goals.
My main goal right now is to be in the 170s by Miss M's bday in April.
And I'm close..or um..at least I was until we decided to gorge ourselves at a Sushi place AND Texas Roadhouse yesterday. I know alot of that is just water right now...freakin' A, my hands are swollen this morning. But this morning I'm back on track. I've had my coffee (LOVE my coffee) and I'm about to have my shake. And I'll get this done.
Since Friday is the day that I weigh in when I actually 'count' it..I'll let you know where I was at-
3/8/13- 181.8 lbs (see getting SO close to the 170s)
Miss M's bday is April 3rd. So...4lbs (just to be safe, I know that literally all I need is 2..but I want to be more securely in that range).
Now..I don't like the numbers on the scale..BUT last summer..I was 199 (6/25/12 via my sparkpeople tracker).
That's about 18lbs in 9 months. And really even though it's slow..that's good, right? However, I want the rest of it gone...more quickly.
I've got a friend's wedding coming up in June (will be next mini goal), I've got Hubs and my 9th anniversary in August (another mini goal), then 31st birthday in October. I'd LOVE to be 'done' (at least with the weight loss portion, more maintaining) by then.
So please, stick around! Hang out with me! I'm going to try my best to keep it a daily to help keep myself on track!
Thanks for stopping in!