Monday, April 1, 2013
It's totally a thing. And I had a SERIOUS problem with it yesterday.
Well first let's discuss the amazing Easter lunch I made...quite the spread...spiral ham, deviled eggs, hashbrown casserole (Mother in law made that one), biscuits (canned, I cheated), a giant coconut cake (from scratch, yo), and cheesy corn (oh, sweet Heaven...). I helped myself to ALL of it..well..not the biscuits..I thought "meh, I don't need the extra carbs" and ate a moderate slice of cake. Bah.
Afterwards I was FULL, like slip into a 4 hour nap full (not dirty full like I was on the pizza buffet night), which I was denied (thanks Hubs) due to the fact we had family over. Family that we see ALL THE TIME mind you...anyway.
I thought (in my state of fullness) "I won't eat dinner, I'm good, way too full".
But then around 6...it hit. I was hungry. And I didn't especially want some leftovers...
I specifically wanted pizza...and a Pepsi. Hubs was hungry as well, so I called to see how long the pizza place was open "we are open until 8", sweet...well..evidently they didn't hang up the phone all the way, b/c when I went back to call in our order (after I'd alerted Hubs that we were going to order one) busy signal...for like an hour..(believe me..I called like 25 times). It was the universe telling me "NO". Screaming "NO" at me..and I just didn't want to hear it.
But then I spied some potato chips on the counter, and though..hmm..yes..that will do. Only to return from my shower to find that Hubs had inhaled the bag. And I started to crack.
The bed hadn't been made, so I started angrily on that task, and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. And then I snapped.
I saw my muffin top and my full face and screamed *inside my head* that obviously my fat ass didn't NEED anymore food.
At which point Hubs stepped in-
H: Why are you mad at me?
Hangry Suze: I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at me, well no...I am mad at you b/c you ate the potato chips. But I'm mad at my fat ass b/c I don't need to eat anyway.
At which point he launches into a speach about how I'm making progress and even how his coworkers have commented that I look like I've lost weight. And that's sweet..really..but until "I" can see it, I don't feel like it counts..that's just how I am unfortunately.
I didn't want a protein shake. I wanted a Pepsi.
I didn't want leftovers. I wanted Pizza.
And I want to wake up at my goal weight and totally forget this 'fat' part.
I was in tears, and unhappy, and getting more and more pissed at Hubs for trying to help.
At one point in his "this is a journey" speal-I hollered out at him "Shut up Jillian Michaels".
He ended up making some scrambled eggs with the leftover ham and some onions, and we polished off the cheesy corn (at least no WHITE carbs in it).
I went to bed full, but it sure as Hell wasn't a happy full.
Today I am chugging water like crazy to try to help out with yesterday's immense salt intake. And just hoping that the Hanger pains don't kick in that was again for a looooong time.