Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Weigh in Wednesday-Week 5

Pretty Strong Medicine
So do I have better news this week? Meh, kind of.
Today- 189.4 misplaced loss of -.6
At least it's going in the right direction again. I've realized I can't really have 'cheat' days. I mean sure...Hubby lost 70lbs and he uses Saturday as "Fat"-urday..and that's fine. For him, because he's LOST it already. Me, not so much. It seems like that big binge of the weekend sets the next week (and next weigh in) up for failure.
I feel like if I could just get a kick start, I could get on a roll (call me Butter). But I'm not finding that kick that I'm needing.
You know what I did need? Medication. Sometimes you get down and blue and you can't pull yourself out of it. No matter how much food you eat, how much you work out, how many people love you...sometimes you can't by yourself..and that's where I was. Down, down, down. But I'm working on getting better. And I'm actually going to see a therapist soon that deals with more 'my' issues soon. I'm ok with that. I think more people should be.
We have a wedding this weekend..and I have nothing to wear..and no desire to shop for the size that I'm in (bleh).
I'm to the point where I'm so consumed with weight/weight loss/eating things just aren't 'fun' anymore. I don't want to be around people. I don't want people to see me. Just not having fun right now. But I know I'm the only person that can change that.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Weigh in Wednesday Week 4

I'm not gonna lie. First, that I hate that phrase. I think it's overused. I also hate "let me ask you a question". Moving on...
Second. I don't want to tell anyone that might be reading this the atrocious number that looked at me from the scale this morning.
BUT it's Weigh in Wednesday- so I'm going to.

Week 4- 190 (*pukes* I hate that 9)
that's up 3.8
Gain, like a colossal one.

However, I have a few things to blame/thank for it. Other than just lack of self control...
We went out of town. I went 'home'. Home to a place where I never have lived, but spent every summer. My Granny's house. Where the smells and the textures flood every sense I have with memories.
Oh, and Granny (at 87 years young) doesn't cook anymore. She hands you some bills and tells you to go pick up whatever you want.
And what did we want?
Top Hat 2 pizza...the one on Q ave. Not Pizza King, not Top Hat on Broad...although I'm pretty sure it's ALL the same's different I'm tellin ya! And we might have eaten it twice. It's a tricky pizza that isn't sliced into wedges, but criss crossed into 3x3(ish) for a second you don't feel like you are eating as much..til you realize you've downed about 10 of those 'little' guys.

Grippo's BBQ potato chips. My love for these salty, sweet, spicy, chips goes deep...waaaaay deep. Ate the entire bag in two days deep.


And let's not forget Jack's. Seriously. His applesauce donuts rock my socks off. We got a dozen 6 applesauce, 6 glazed, and they were gone. In a matter of minutes.


So we gorged. And gorged some more. I'm not condoning it. But I'm being honest about it. 'Home' is an emotional place to go, and I'm a girl that supresses those emotions by eating. There...honest.

I'll have a better number next week.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Weigh in Wednesday

Week 3--5/15-186.2
Week 2--5/8 -186.2
Week 1--5/1- 186.6

Slow, slow, slow.
I don't know.
(Poet, dontcha know it!)

And this is where I usually give up. Throw my hands up. Head to the nearest McD's. But I'm not.
I'll sigh. And I'll be annoyed (I am annoyed).
But I'm not giving up.
Even though we're going on vacation tomorrow to a land of plenty (of food).

Monday, May 13, 2013

Whirlwind week...and Run #1

Last week was insane. Sorry for the drop off, but it was. I was up at 5 err morning to get ready to make the hour long drive down to KC to help with exams at 'high risk' schools. And me w/out my conceal and carry license. Eeek. Anyway...I survived...AND our crew got SO much done that they don't need me this week. I'm not bummed about that.
However I did miss something...

I'll tell ya, it wasn't great. And honestly I don't expect this week to be better, my eating has been TERRIBLE b/c I let my stress level determine what goes in my mouth. <---BAD habit.
So for week 2- 5/8  186.2
it's down a measly .4 from Week 1. I was pissed and disappointed, but I know it's up to ME to do it and obviously I wasn't doing something right. Despite the fact I had salads for dinner like 3 days that week..should have been worth at least a COUPLE pounds. Come on.

I have been semi-successful in my original goal of stopping it w/the soda. The only soda I had was one that my anti-soda husband brought me, and it was barely carbonated, all natural, DRY was aaaahhhh-mazing. Seriously..not only did it hit that soda button I needed, but it tasted like a spa in a bottle. So relaxing and delicious. And I wish I was getting something for the HUGE thumbs up I'm giving them..but I'll settle for the fact that I loved the soda like crazy.
Beyond that it's been coffee, water, or tea. I miss the bubbles, man. And told Hubby last night that I think the reason I'm eating more is b/c I'm wanting soda. But I'm going to try to stick with it.

On Saturday morning I woke up early. I'd been used to getting up at 5 and my body naturally woke up at 10 til 5 and said "get out of bed" so I did. And I watched Silver Linings Playbook. Loved it. When it was over, Hubby and kids were still asleep, so I decided to put on some sneakers and walk. We live out in the country, to we gravel travel, but still. My IW went with and so did my shuffle...
It was more walking than running (or jogging), but for the mile or so that is our driveway/gravel road, I took little bursts of running. I'll track the actual measurement of it so I'll know..but the point is I got out and did it. And on the last leg, I ran, then I walked down our long-ass driveway. Bradley Cooper spitting the whole way. What is it with running that makes my mouth turn into a rancid Niagra Falls? Anyone else do that? Anyway?
That afternoon we went out for a combo Mother's Day/We'll be out of town for Hub's birthday lunch at Bristol, it's one of Hub's favorites and I'm liking it alot too. Then we stopped and got a shit ton a lot of plans for the garden. We planted when we got home.

Sunday (Mother's Day-happy happy to all Mama's/Mama's to be/Mama's in their heart)-the Hubs and kids made me a gigantic breakfast and to prove I loved it I ate, and ate, and ate. I got wildflowers picked out of our pastures, some fishing (I caught a snapping turtle, made me pee my pants a little), and some sun burn on my cheeks.
I made my Mother in Law a pie and she called later to tell me "Thank your husband for the pie for me". Some things I just CAN'T win.
I'd gotten Ma her favorite fast food earlier in the week and had told her then that was her 'present' and she lurved it. I had a good phone convo with her that day about Ma's day and the obigatory call yesterday as well. Things were good.

This post turned into War and Peace. Sorry, guys. But I had a lot to catch you up on.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013


Anybody remember this movie? I don't think I ever actually watched it..but the gist was nice teacher goes into majorly inner city school, like hard core rough stuff, but makes it out ok.
That's been my week...
sort of.
I agreed to help proctor some exams. And turns out the schools we are proctoring are the rough ones in Kansas City. Like whoa. I mean where I'm from (not exactly Kansas City) subbing is cake. The kids might cuss and little, but that's about as bad as it gets.
Yesterday, I was full on choking on mace from where it had to be sprayed in the halls to break up a fight...twice. I was safe...ish. If you count the "Teachers, at this time we ask that you please close and lock your classrooms doors" announcement that we followed about every third period.
So it's been kinda stressful...and sad.
Makes me very thankful for the type of environment that I'm normally in.

So whew...that's me this week. I think it's punishment for the gorge-fest I participated in over the weekend. I mean it's totally normal to go to BOTH Olive Garden and Chili' ONE day...right? No..nobody? *bloats*

Friday, May 3, 2013

Brain dump

Semi topic-less posting..but in general what's swirlin' round my old cerebral...

1. I love my Ma, something fierce. And yes, I call her Ma. Not Mother, Mommy, Mom, etc. However, when she KNOWS I am trying to watch what I eat, and when she comes over to watch the kids and I get home from work and she's made pecan and chocolate chip cookies. It's impossible for me to resist (and she KNOWS that). Especially with a hot cup of coffee.

2. I was supposed to sub a full day today. I wasn't feeling it. I was thisclose when I got up this morning to cancelling out and letting some other subbin' schmo have a crack at it. But I sucked it up and went in, to be told by the Para in my class- "you basically have nothing today". Then WHY I am here?? So I talked it over with the main lady and left at 12. I mean, thanks for the opportunity and all, I'm good with the money end of it, but it makes me feel guilty to be paid for shouldn't. But it does.

3. Even though I'm doing Weigh in Wednesday I've been checking my weight daily, and daily it pisses me off the scale isn't moving faster.

4. Lora posted a '25 things about me' blog today in which she mentions her love for White Cheese dip. And I am craving it. Not that I need it on top of the cookies I just horked down.

5. When we were building our new house, I had to work really closely with all the contractors. The same guy did our plumbing and our electrical and where it may be totes weird to be really good friends with your plumber, he's like on 'brother' level now. As in, took a half eaten cookie from me earlier w/out even batting an eye...
Luckily he's not a gross, greasy, plumber..he's actually pretty cute. His ass crack isn't offensive in the least. It helps to have cute guy friends when you are a girl with a self esteem problem.

6.I get really annoyed with my friends list posting on FB about the freak MO weather..and I'm about to annoy myself right now by saying "WTF Spring?!". A good friend of mine posted: "GO home Winter, you're drunk" and that right there cracked me up...but for real. I'm ready to start complaining about how hot it is.

And..I think that's it. No huge plans for the weekend. The weather is supposed to start acting better around Sunday. So cross your fingers.

Thursday, May 2, 2013


And THAT my a giant bottle of water.
Subbin' at the HS and this girl had one, and when she told me where she got it..I literally shuddered. The big W. I am not a fan.
1)I used to work there (back in HS)
2) I honestly think I'm kinda agoraphobic and it (going there) freaks me out
3) Open more than 2 flippin' registers when you have 20 of them, mmkay?
However, yesterday my parents needed my help with a transportation issue, and Ma needed to stop in to pick up a script.
Now..even though I'm not a fan..there are a couple good things that happen. I always get to see two of my guy buddies that I used to work with there..they became career W's and that's awesome for them..and it's always good to see them.
The other good thing is the spoiling parents thing. Yes, I may be 30 (bleh) but I am the baby and I have the only that's like DOUBLE the spoiling. And I don't take too much advantage of my parents (not that they would care if I did, they love me more than cable tv). My 'haul' yesterday was a couple of the awesome water bottles (I knew that Hubs would steal mine if I just got one), some new tea (tryin to break that soda habit), some lemon gum (what?! Yes. Love lemon), some green coffee bean pills (Dr. OZ had them on the show and I'm a sucker for the newest 'pill'<--sad), and I think that was about it. I kept it at a minimum....this trip.
But let's talk about the bottle for a sec...that sucker holds 8 glasses of water. So minimum daily in one bottle. And for my head...2 quarts...quick math (even though I suck at math generally)
1 gallon=4 quarts
1 quart=4 cups
Which means 2 of these bottles full of water, is a gallon of water. Sweet. I generally drink alot of water anyway, but I know it's not a gallon a day. I like having the bottle so I can kinda 'track' how much I am drinking. I might even put rubber bands or something on it, so I can count how many bottles I drink a day. I'm thinking 2 minimum.
I drank one bottle before dinner last night...over the course of about an hour, and ate less...I know that. And it was a good dinner.
I'd posted in the 10 week challenge group on FB that I was doing a zucchini noodle lasagna...and it didn't suck, but it was soooo watery. I blame that on the zucchini. If I can figure out a way to dry it out a big, I'll for sure be making it again!
Yesterday's eating had a lot of veggies..which is good. A mixed greens salad with the zucchini lasagna, then to take care of my sweet tooth after dinner a green smoothie. Honestly, my guts aren't loving me today...LOTS of greens + a ton of water. Eesh. But I'm hopin' in a few days my system will get used to it!
The weather in MO today sucks, but I'm going to try to stay sunny..even though the weather isn't.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Weight in Wednesday + 10 week challenge

Might just be the kick in the pants I need right?

Today May 1- 186.6 Let's just state..for the record (you can totes tell I used to work with a bunch of attorneys huh?) I HATE the 80s. And I don't mean the neon scrunchie, John Hughes laden, Wham! rockin' 80s. I mean that RANGE. I've been here tooooooo long. And I'm tired of being here. I'll probably piss down my leg w/happiness when I finally see the 170s. Even 179 would be a happy moment...just sayin'.

So here's what I'm doing.. (and a bunch of others too!)

I'm hoping that jumping into a group that is already chock-full of some AWESOME bloggers will encourage me to keep it up.
The mini-challenge this week is cleaning the 'bad' food out of your fridge. And I can honestly say that we don't have alot of bad stuff in the fridge. Seriously. We have a ton of spinach, lettuces, veggies, raw goat milk, cucumber water, green tea. Our fridge it set up for success...I'm just not doing what I KNOW I need to be doing.
So along with the regular mini challenges I'm going to give myself one as big one really. Stop drinking soda. I'm a diet soda swilling queen. Gawd, I love the stuff! And I need to stop. So I'm going to..right now.

So 10 weeks...that's just over 2 months...we can do this! 'I' can do this.